she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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