Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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