Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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