i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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