Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
