woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
