apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
