Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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