Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The beer is more important than you right now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
