explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
