I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
