If i come over, it means nothing
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
