I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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