Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
