i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
zippers are such a cool invention
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
