My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
