i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
