Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
