I can text with my tongue
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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