there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
