we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
