So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
