If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
