As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
