and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
is it fun? or sober?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
