when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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