Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
