I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
