Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
