when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
