I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
