thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
