i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You smell like stripper and shame
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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