I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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