is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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