Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
