omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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