Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
