and you said cock pushups were impossible
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
