Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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