Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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