Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
