$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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