I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
