So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
