evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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