I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
