Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
