I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
