I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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