I met the friendliest cop last night
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
