I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
operation harelip BJ is a go
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
