I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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