Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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