I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
