apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
