my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
