tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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