i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
