I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The uberlube is also flammable
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
