dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
