she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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