Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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