Just fell off a train. Bad.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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