Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
