Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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