if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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