there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
