So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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