i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
