hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
