went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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