I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
