if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
