Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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